Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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