some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
