you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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