do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
