why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
