but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
