First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
