Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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