No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
