Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
