its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
