At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
