I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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