I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
