She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
