While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
