I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize