Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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