her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
