Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
