dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
