A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
