She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
