So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
