The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
