I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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