I cockslap morals
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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