mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
