he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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