Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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