Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
