I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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