i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
