Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
