Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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