census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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