his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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