her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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