I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
