I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
