I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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