Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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