Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
