i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
