I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you told grandpa to call you daddy
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
