were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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