WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
