his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
