So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
