Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
