My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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