There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
