Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
