I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
