my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
