we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
