sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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