You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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