U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
