all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
