I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
