Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
