I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize