cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
