Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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