i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Sext me about skeletons
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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