Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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