Umm I'm too high to move.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
