The maid of honor just puked.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
it was like eating out sand paper
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
