I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
one two three fourrrrnication!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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