how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
